understand basic body language

While we spend a lot of time consumed with words and talking, only about 25% of those words is actually heard. Most of what we communicate happens non-verbally, and believe it or not, most people aren't even aware of what they are saying with their body. Don't be a statistic! Here are 3 easy steps to make sure you know the messages you are sending out:

1. space
Ever been uncomfortable with a "close talker?" This person didn't understand that there are some rules regarding how close individuals stand to each other based on the relationship they have. How close are you standing to the person you're talking to? If you are with a good friend then the space between you two will be small, if you are with an acquaintance then it will be a little larger. You boss will have an even larger space and then a stranger will have the largest distance of all. No matter what words you choose, if you stand too close (causing the person anxiety) your message will be lost.


2. touch
Are you a bone-crusher or a dead fish when you shake hands? Touch tells a lot about the person. A decent, evenly matched handshake is best, but what about all the others? If you walk up with a smile and shake someone's hand while also putting your hand on their shoulder, you are expressing dominance. This may be the message you'd like to send to an employee, but not to your boss. If you want to come across as an independent woman taking on the world but when offer an over-the-top (think: prince kneeling to kiss the back of the hand) handshake, then your submissive actions have just contradicted your independent efforts.


3. face
It is so true, the eyes are the window to the soul. What kind of eye contact do you maintain? Looking at someone is the start to a conversation. Humans (and apes!) use eye contact/stare downs to establish dominance. This goes far beyond the playground games. If someone is talking to you, do you meet their gaze or do you feel the need to look down. If it's the latter, then you may have more of a struggle on your hands to establish your independence. Interestingly, the reverse of this is helpful in dating--looking down and tilting the head is a sign of vulnerability/submission, taken to mean romantic interest on the woman's part.