are you a walking ball of nerves?

Constantly looking around, nervously flipping hair out of eyes, rubbing clammy hands down your thighs as you sit, forgetting to exhale while talking...any of these sound familiar? Put two or three of these behaviors together and WOW! you are a walking ball of nerves. Here are three ways to tame those anxious behaviors and give off the calm energy that will attract people towards you.

1. breathe
The most helpful thing you can do right now is to become aware of your breath. Chances are you are breathing in more air than you are exhaling. This lifts your shoulders and scrunches your neck and creates tension all across your shoulder blades. Try saying this to yourself as your breath: breathe in for 1...2...3... and out for 1....2...3... Stick with it for a few minutes until your breathing is under control. Feel the tension leave your shoulders as they lower from your ear lobes and elongate your neck.

2. close your eyes
Shut out the world by closing your eyes. Chances are, you're hyper-alert right now and your eyelids will resist staying shut. Take time to really focus on all the muscles on your face. Imagine releasing each one individually. Spend time on your forehead, then your eyebrows, then your eye lids, and so on, down your face. Keep coming back to the tension. No worries if it takes a while, just stick with it until your eyes are gently resting shut.

3. prepare
You've gotten your breath under control, your face is relaxed, now prepare a few things you feel comfortable talking about before entering the stressful situation. Have these topics "in your pocket" and ready for a conversation at a moment's notice. There's no shame in preparing conversations--not many people are comfortable winging it, especially when in a stressful setting.

the way to a never-ending supply of creativity

Too often, we "save" the best of ourselves, thinking that if we use all our great ideas up at once we won't have anything left to say. Here are 3 ways to maintain a never-ending supply of creativity.

1. do what you love
First and foremost--make sure you are doing what you love. But I have to work to pay the bills, I can't do what I love, I have to do what pays!! True, bills are important. But so is your happiness. Happiness leads to health. Health leads to lower medical/weight-loss/therapy-shopping bills. Get my point? Shed what isn't working, it's stifling you. Hold onto your job (you need the money) and put your feelers out there. See what's available. In the mean time, start a hobby. What do you like? Start small, in your home. Invite friends and make a social network around your interests.

2. trust yourself
You've found your hobby, your interest. Trust your talent. If you like what you've created--jewelry, short story, wood work, exercise routine, etc.--then someone else out there will, too. Not that you need outside validation to carry on in your passion, but it doesn't hurt. Get your pieces out into the community. Enter an art show, make your hallway a gallery for a get-together, submit writing samples to contests. Have faith in yourself and your work. Go public with it!

3. use it all up
Each time you create, use all of your ideas--every last one of them. Don't hold back thinking that if you use all these ideas today that you will have nothing to use for tomorrow. There's only so much creative space in your brain, you can use it to hold onto old ideas or clear it out for new ideas.

beat the blues

The blues stink! How do you make yourself feel better when you, body and mind, are absolutely dragging? Try this 3-pronged approach to get you out of the blues and back to being you.

1. re-think
Our mind is powerful. Think about a happy time--recent or distant, it doesn't matter. Engage all the senses. Where were you? What were you doing? Can you smell or taste anything? What do you hear? Can you feel the breeze or the water or the temperature in your memory? Feel as much as you possibly can. The more senses you activate, the more you will be able to spark that happy feeling (the goal!) you had when the memory was actually happening.

2. re-live
There's nothing wrong with re-runs. If going to the movies with your mom gave you all sorts of warm fuzzies, then then do it again. Whatever that memory was in step 1, do your best to live it again. Even if the memory was fishing with your dad when you were 10, and now you're 40 and your dad is no where near, grab a rod and head to water. There are parts that you can re-create, and these will lift your spirits. Make space in your life for the tried-and-true activities that make you happy.

3. hold on
Is there a memento you can carry with you throughout the day connected to the memory from step 1? It could be a lucky coin you won at the fair, a necklace from your sister, a picture of your kids, or a key chain you bought while on vacation. When you feel the blues creeping in, pull out your charm, hold it in your hand and take a few minutes of quiet time to conjure up those happy feelings once again. Just knowing that trinket is in your hand reminds you that you have the power to pull yourself out of this funk and into the positive feelings.

release anger

We'd all like to be less angry at times. It's easy to get fired up, rally friends and build a case around how we've been wronged. But once the dust settles and friends have moved on to new drama, how do you let go of the anger you've built up?

1. thoughts
Positive self talk is the starting place. Decide that you are done harboring these angry feelings. Before your day starts, set your intention for the day: I am no longer angry with _____. Think about that intention for a few minutes before jumping into the morning routine. Throughout the day, remind yourself that you are no longer mad. The more you say the words, the more you will believe them.

2. feelings
Spend time doing things you like to do. Re-runs? Chocolate? Girls' night? What ever puts a smile on your face, do it. You are changing how you feel. More importantly, you are not dwelling on the negativity.

3. behaviors
Here's the hard part (that's why its #3). Start acting like you did before the grudge. Skip the tense shoulders, eye rolls and dismissive smirks--these all speak volumes before you even open your mouth. Walk into the room with a smile on. There's no way to smile and frown at the same time. Start talking to people about different topics (as opposed to the fire-fueling conversations you've grown accustomed to recently). Physically move yourself away from people who are trying to drag out the drama.

Keep with it! You're on your way to being anger free!

how to ignore

Just ignore it! That's the simple answer to everything. Great, but when "it" is really getting under your skin, how do you turn off the emotion and (at the very least) look like you are ignoring.

1. timing
As soon as the negative behavior begins, that is the exact moment you start to ignore. Don't give one minute of attention to the problem--you will inadvertently be reinforcing it (making it happen more).

2. body language
Check your shoulders and your feet. Where are they pointing? Typically these two body parts follow your attention. Turn your body towards something new to focus on. Keep your eyes directed there, too. Most of our communication occurs through these non-verbal cues. Let your body do hard part for you. You're half way there. Now engage your brain--talk to someone new, read the magazine, take in the view.

3. be ready for the praise
The instant the behavior changes into something you like, re-focus your attention on that person. This attention is what will encourage that person's new behavior. Don't be tempted to use this as a time to rehash the poor behavior, just to reinforce the desired behavior by once again interacting with the person.

end revenge

If you pick on me, I'll pick on you worse...or so the logic goes. What do you when you are stuck in a war of revenge?

1. stop the cycle
It takes two to tango. If one person stops (truly stops, as in he can separate himself from feeling the tug of the argument), then the argument will fizzle out. Easy to say, hard to do. Just tell yourself: I am better than this. I don't need to be berated in this way. I am done with this exchange. Use words that feel right to you, but keep the message the same. Self talk is key. What you tell yourself is how you see the world. If you are saying: This is so unfair, I'm going to get him back! then that is what you will continue to do. Instead, remind yourself that you want out of the dispute.

2. look for the need
What is this person looking for? Revenge takes a lot of energy and usually isn't something that "just happens." Step back and think about your adversary's perspective. How did he feel slighted? How did he feel hurt? Take a close look at your actions. While your intentions may not have been to offend this person, somehow your actions did. What does this person need to move on?

3. feed the need
Clearly this individual is not able or willing to resolve these feelings alone. You are needed for closure. Is it an apology? Give it. Is it time to be heard? Listen. Time to shine at work? Step aside. Independence/trust in decision making? Have faith.

Sometimes we all get stuck in the battle of revenge. It takes a strong person to step aside, decide to make the situation better and then swallow some pride and become part of the solution. One caution: Don't become "holier than thou" because you stepped aside. It takes two to argue and two make up.

stay inspired and keep moving forward

There are times when we all feel like doing nothing. While laziness feels good once in a while, remaining stagnant for too long can become an unfulfilling habit. Here are 3 easy steps to stay inspired and keep moving forward.

1. ask
You really are the company you keep. Who are you in the group? Are you a peer, a big fish or a student? I'm not suggesting you keep yourself at the bottom of every totem pole. Rather, I'm encouraging you the make sure you are a student somewhere in your life. How boring to have all the answers. Ask questions!

2. do it
Go out on a limb. Try something new. Who knows where it will lead. Don't worry about the peanut gallery, those people waiting for you to fail so they can laugh at you. What are they doing? Probably secretly wishing they had as much guts as you do to tackle that new challenge.

3. connect
Find links between two seemingly diverse areas in your life. Do you sit at your child's soccer practice three nights a week? Are you an accountant? How can these two things connect? Who knows where it will lead.

help your child grieve

Losing a loved one has got to be one of the most difficult experiences in life. When you're not sure how well you are dealing with your own feelings, helping your child through the grieving process can seem nearly impossible. Here are three easy (and comforting) steps to help your through this painful time.

1. talk
Get it all out. Talk about the good times spent with the loved one. Explore any feelings of guilt. Accept anger and then, like the shampoo bottle directs us to do: repeat. Sometimes it takes a while to understand the weight of what's said, felt and experienced. Just because you or your child can say the words, I'm so sad and mad and confused all at once, doesn't mean that the concepts are truly grasped. Verbalizing the feelings is a great start. You are to clearing up any misconceptions (ex: she's not sleeping, she's dead--this won't happen to everyone who goes to sleep in the hospital) and to making sure feelings aren't bottled up.

2. own part of the process
Share the responsibility of the services. No matter how small the "job" may be, most of us feel better if we can do something. What can your child do? Can she carry a flower, hug a family member, watch younger kids, help prepare food?

3. know when to stop the thought
After some time has passed and you feel like your child has explored her feelings well, keep your ears open for "re-hashing." Conversation moving forward is helpful, stagnant wallowing in sadness is not. If you feel this is happening, help your child stop the thought. Say, Sweetie, I know you miss Grandma, I do, too. But right now it's time to focus on (fill in the blank). There is no guilt, no judgment--just the acknowledgment that it's time to think about ____. Wallowing can become a habit. Set aside a special time to remember the loved one. You're not asking your child to forget, rather you are helping her gain control of her feelings.