fill a basic emotional tool box

Are you equipped? If so, have you shared some important tools with your child(ren)? Here are 3 easy steps to make sure you all have the basic tools in your emotional tool box.

1. start a conversation
This is as basic as having a hammer. Can you walk up to a group and join a conversation? The first step is to smile and listen to what is being discussed. Get a feel for the direction the group is taking the topic and then join in. When a lull hits, this is where you rely on homework--the topics you came prepared to discuss (recent sports game, etc). If all else fails, ask someone about him/herself (as in, How did you get started playing soccer/practicing law? or What did you think about science class/board meeting today?) it's a sure bet to stay talking and out of the dark corners of the room!

2. express discomfort
Too often, we stay in an uncomfortable situation because we feel trapped. There is a difference between tattle-tailing and telling. Tattle-tailing is restating the obvious in an effort to get someone else in trouble. For better or worse, we do a good job of discouraging this in the early years of school. Unfortunately, it leads to confusion as to when to tell about inappropriate behaviors. Telling is letting someone know that you need help, that you are uncomfortable emotionally or physically. Telling can be empowering--it shifts the control to your hands. Where someone was exerting power over you by being mean, you are now reclaiming your power by stating your discomfort clearly putting an end to it.

3. pack your own lunch
Rely on yourself for as much as possible. This does not mean you are a hermit. What it does mean is that you are in charge of you. You can fix your own pb&j with the exact amount of jelly that you like. Self reliance starts small, with baby steps. What begins with a lunch box moves on to laundry (so you always have your favorite shirt exactly the way you want it), to being responsible for homework and grades, and then, eventually, to selecting friendships. It is a real confidence builder to know that YOU can do it!