teach your child confidence (no matter what age)

It's painful to watch our children suffer from low confidence. Parents can see all the potential in the world in their children from the outside, but if the child doesn't see that potential, it doesn't matter. How do you hold up the mirror? Here are 3 easy steps to pave the way to future confidence.

1. commitment
Have a frank discussion with your child. You would be amazed at what tough concepts children grasp. By 8th grade, many children readily admit they'd like to have more confidence (social interactions, academics, public speaking). Don't feel you have to wait until then to ask. If your child is exhibiting signs of low self confidence, step in. Start a conversation. Ask, If you had a magic wand, what would you change? This will give great insight as to what the child sees as the problem. The actual term self confidence may not come out. Use the phrasing your child uses (I want to be able to meet new friends--social confidence/I want to ask Mrs. Smith for help in math--academic confidence/I want to be able to raise my hand when I have a question--public speaking). Once you zero in on the desire, ask for a commitment: Let's commit to this. I'll help you the best I can, and you agree to put forth the effort it will take to make this change.

2. thoughts
Listen to your child on a regular basis. I said "listen" rather than "talk" for a reason. Still have a conversation, however, keep an ear out for descriptions. Is your child setting him/herself up for success or failure? Change is shaky ground and there is comfort in the familiar--in this case, past behaviors are the comfort zone. Keep your tone non-punitive, and keep the pressure on. Ask questions like: Who were you thinking about talking to today? Notice there is no judgment about whether or not contact was made, just that the thoughts were there. What math problems were you stuck on? How are you going to figure out the answers? This helps your child think of solutions, and will most likely come back to asking the teacher. Did you feel like raising your hand today? In which class? Again, no shame for not doing so, just keeping the thoughts in mind.

3. actions
Ok, you can only think about things for so long. Now it's time to act. You and your child committed to the process of change. As a parent, you keep working in step 2. At the same time, enlist the help of some trusted school personnel or coaches or mentors...anyone in a leading capacity that can intervene. Let them know what you and your child are working on. Let them know you are keeping the conversation alive at home and are now ready for a little encouragement from the other end. Perhaps the teacher on duty at lunch can arrange new seating assignments, the math teacher could offer an after school session or the language arts teacher could ask your child to read his/her paragraph aloud. Everyone can help set your child up for success.

It truly does take a village to raise a child. Call in the villagers!