change what's not working in your life

If something is not working, you know it instantly. Somewhere along the way, a lot of us forget that we have control over our lives--you have the ability to make choices. Here are 3 easy steps to help you come up with options the next time you'd like to see change.

1. reframe
How can you reframe, or see, this situation differently. Let's say that you are so annoyed that your reading group friend is always showing off. It seems like all she does is talk about herself and how great of a reader she is. This can get annoying. What if you looked at it differently? What if you tried to see her as a great teacher, sharing new authors and discussing styles. Or, perhaps you could reframe her as someone who really needs to shine in this reading arena because she has other struggles you are aware of. She still has the same behaviors, but you see them in a different light. No comments need to be made, just a shift in your thought process gives you the space to not be so annoyed.

2. walk away
Simply leave the relationship. If you are in a reading group and her book comments drive you nuts every week, then leave the group. Remember, you can't ask someone else to do something that you are not willing to do yourself. So, don't rally friends to oust the annoying one, you simply move to a different group.

3. make a change
Here's the toughest, but often the most rewarding. Have a conversation with the annoying individual. Without blame, discuss what is working and then what isn't. Come prepared with suggestions (I love our reading group, but I can't help but notice that you seem to dominate the conversation. I love your contributions, but sometimes I feel like I can't get a word in edgewise. Is there some way we can structure our conversations so we all get equal talk-time?). As long as you are respectful and include yourself in the changes, things should work out just fine. You'll be enjoying your reading group in no time!