talk about appropriate talk

At some point, kids are going to discover the shock value associated with talking about sex. Sprinkle in some bad words and you have the makings for a juicy lunch table conversation. Here are 3 easy steps to help your child understand when and where different topics can be discussed.

1. set the tone
Let your child know were you stand on the discussion of different topics. Are you open to discussion about sex? Will you explain what the "F" word really means when your child asks? Figure out where you stand, then start the conversation. Ask you child what he/she thinks about the dating, kissing or bad words. If you listen, your child will tell you a lot. If you pass judgement or look uncomfortable--worse, if you use shame--your child will shut down.

2. understand the audience
There aren't many things that are truly "bad" behavior. However, there are a lot of behaviors that are inappropriate when displayed in the wrong venue. Talk to your child about proper audiences. Your classmates are a great audience for a silly joke at recess, your teacher is not (especially when she asked you to sit down and read your book). Similarly, the lunch table crew is not the best audience to share what you just learned about sex from the "big kids." The topic is not wrong, rather the audience is just not right. Who is the right audience? Parents, teachers, doctors--someone who can comfortably answer questions with correct information.

3. stay informed
What your child is talking about at school is important--it's not just silly stuff to occupy the time. He/she is exploring new ideas, discovering boundaries and testing hypotheses all the time. Yes, it would be easier if the only things discussed were math or history, but that's not reality. The more open you are to the tough questions, the more your child will come back for more conversations.

Kids are going to talk to each other. They are not going to stop talking about juicy stuff simply because we adults say, Find the right audience. They will, however, begin to gain an understanding of what is appropriate to talk about and when. This is a learning process that takes a lifetime--there are adults who will still tell inappropriate jokes and wonder why everyone is rolling their eyes!