It's going to happen. You precious little angel is going to introduce you to someone that the cat wouldn't even drag home. Here's your defining parenting moment. How do you handle it, with shock, tears, or anger? Nope, not you, because you read these 3 easy steps:
1. breathe
Take a deep breath, count to ten, and feel the tension relax in your shoulders as you lower them down from your earlobes. Stay in control, don't get hooked into the battle (you can't tell me who I fall in love with, Mom!). One of the best ways to pull yourself together discreetly is to excuse yourself to the bathroom--hopefully no one will bother you in there! Feel the wave of relief wash over you as you remind yourself of this good news: Your child will take on the majority of your values as he/she progresses thru adolescence (research supports this). You just have to ride out this moment.
2. smile
Modeling is so important. Think about the adult you'd like your child to become--and then be that same understanding adult right now. Put a smile on your face, fake it 'till you make it (or at least until your guest leaves for the night!) then have a genuine conversation with your child. Find out what special qualities are loved the most in the new boy/girlfriend. Who knows? You may be surprised that the kid behind the eyeliner is a straight A student. Don't be discouraged if you don't find a hidden treasure, you have just shown the utmost respect for your child by having this conversation in the first place. A moment that will strengthen your parent/child relationship beyond measure
3. accept
To re-phrase, spit in their soup. If you take the fight out of the equation, what's left for your child to rebel against? You've said no tattoos for years and the new beau is covered in body art. Sounds like this relationship is for you benefit (as in, merely a tool to start arguments with you). Don't do it, don't push your child away at this critical moment. Accept your child, shower with love, and most of the "button pushing" behaviors will fall by the wayside.
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1 comment:
Thank you for the insight!! I have a little one and I see the possible battle on the horizon.... I think as parents we sometime forget that it is all about them and not our own views.... Our job is to try to mold their views and let them be their our people not make them up for them... I love it and thank you for the advise!!!
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