explain racy comments

A mom asks, "My child just came home and asked what Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me means. How do I explain this one?"

Whew! What a way to start the new year! Clearly your child is having conversations outside of the teacher's earshot. Not to worry. These questions are completely normal. And while you may have visions of having to explain all sorts of sordid sexual acts, it won't be that bad. Here are 3 easy steps to explain racy comments to your tween.

1. take comfort
There's good news here--your child came to you rather than asking a friend. You have laid the groundwork for your child to see you as a safe resource for tough and embarrassing questions. Granted, she may not know the sexual nature of what she's asking, but you're ready to go in that direction if the conversation goes there. Take your time in answering, and remember that you are answering, not asking more questions like who said that? where were you? where was the teacher? what did you say? and so on. All stuff you surely want to know, but answer your child's curiosity first and let the conversation unfold naturally.

2. answer
Remind your child about the full phrase, Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. She'll remember it and then ask, But why would whips and chains excite me? Stay with me here, this is where your heart will pound out of your chest. Say, Some people like to constantly push the limit. Have your child think of some ways she's pushed the limit of the rules before and find ways she's seen people at school push the limit, too. Then add, And with the whips and chains, they are pushing the limit again. Clearly most people wouldn't get excited about the idea of playing with whips and chains, so someone who says this wants to stand out from the crowd by doing something different. They are looking for the shock value in the comments they make. Have your child think of some ways said or done something for pure shock value or things she's seen peers do (hint: almost every child has discovered the value of shock!).

3. follow
This is where you tailor your discussion to her needs. Listen to where she goes with her curiosity. What part of this exchange at school most intrigued her? Was it the fact that whips and chains seemed absurd? Then a simple explanation will suffice. Was it that a cool kid made the comment? Then a discussion about what makes kids popular, and the control she has in who is popular, could follow. Does she have an inkling that the comment was sexually suggestive? Then brush up on your birds 'n bees conversation, because you're getting ready for the next installment (beyond the sperm and egg talk and into the social aspect of sex). Be ready to answer the question from her starting point.



Thanks for the question on Twitter! That was a good one :)