break into a new group of friends

New kids, new schools, new teachers, new peers...it's enough stress to make a kid forget who he is. Here are 3 easy steps to help your child remember his/her strengths and have the confidence to join a social group.



1. step back

You don't have to climb the whole mountain in one day. Determine what social settings in the school day are most stressful. Lunch, break and after school are typically high-stress times for kids who haven't found their niche yet. Most breaks are around 20 minutes, lunch 45 minutes and after school varies. The day is not so overwhelming when the stressful events can be reduced to smaller pockets of time.



2. label

Label yourself. What is it that makes you you? When you are in your comfort zone, what characteristic best describes you? When your old friends hang out with you, how do you act? These questions get to the core of who your child is and where his/her comfort zone is in social settings. There's strength in comfort. Find these labels. When weak, insecure feelings creep in, use self talk to remember strengths: I am funny and love telling jokes! or, I love soccer and hanging out with the team. Look around at the kids in the grade in an effort to match yourself with potential friends. Remember: the match is with strengths and characteristics, not popularity.



3. commit

Here's the hard part, committing. Back in step 1, you identified the stressful times of the day--stressful because they were less structured social times for friends to hang out between classes. Commit to going to one of those free times (find "shelter" for the others, make plans to go to the library, visit a teacher, read a book, do homework, etc) and joining a conversation. Yes, this will be difficult, but you've got to put yourself out there. You've done the homework, you know who the different groups are, and most importantly, you know who YOU are and the kind of friend YOU want.