...look the part

You sure look tired, let's take a load off. What's on your mind, you look worried? Let me help you, you look lost.

These are all very helpful--when your actually feeling tired or worried or lost. But what about all the other times these kind gestures are offered and you aren't feeling any of the above feelings?

Today, my son me if he could wear his new glasses in the rain and when I answered if you want to, he asked me why I looked so worried, was I mad?

hmm...what isn't connecting?

1. check facial expression
My facial expression was not matching my thoughts. When I answered him, I was not thinking about glasses in the rain, so I did not look the way I felt about his glasses in the rain. Our face is a reflection (read: dead give-away) of our current thought.

2. mentally shift gears
How many times a day do you find yourself thinking about one thing and responding to another? Mentally shifting gears from one thought to the other helps. Hit the pause button in your brain before entering any sort of conversation.

3. use word markers
Adding a few extra words can mark the shift between internal thoughts and current conversation: Hang on while I finish this text and I'll be right with you, or, I'm sorry, I was thinking about "x," what did you say? These markers let the speaker know that you are transitioning from another thought to their comment.

Have a zen moment, be in that conversation.

Yes, you say, maybe in a perfect world, but multi-tasking is a part of life. True, but the few seconds it takes to shift gears and focus on the person looking at you could make all the difference in assuring your true feelings are understood.